Man rules

[Nana]

My husband flatly denies he wrote these, but I don't actually believe him, especially because they are all in caps and all numbered as #1..... it was Mike, I just know it!!!!

MAN RULES

AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN

FINALLY, the guys' side of the story.

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE

NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.

YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!

STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!

OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!

JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1.

IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.

IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..

PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1.

IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.

YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

[kwputt]

I'm gonna post this one in the kitchen.
It's ok Archie, I've slept there before.

[Rod69]

Some of these ring a bell! Very interesting, very interesting.

[Shriner Jim]

Funny. Makes me happy, happy, happy.

[Bikerbozo]

Those are pretty funny. I especially liked #1. That one is so true.

[skuuter]

.....is there a problem here......sounds pretty straight forward to me.....

[Rosy]

I know this does not sound very "manly", but I found after 40+ years, Yes Dear, works for me!
And Good night, and I Love you, will cure everything that has happened that day!

Regards,

Rosy
From NH

[Rev Ray]

Rosy,
you are so correct.

[StumpPuller]

StumpPuller here, Did i mention "her" name is WIDOW? LOL, LOL,LOL...

[Saltywheels]

It's allright Mike! Yr secret is safe with me!

[Sloufoot]

Yes dear !!
No matter how many times you have to explain these concepts they will always be a concept not a fact with the female mind..........

[lboos]

I know this does not sound very "manly", but I found after 40+ years, Yes Dear, works for me!
And Good night, and I Love you, will cure everything that has happened that day!

Regards,

Rosy
From NH

Rosy, lets face it, your a wimp .
Nanas husband is so right.
I might add: The only diff. between a woman and a terrorist, is that you can reason with a terrorist .
I HEAR THE NURSE COMMING DOWN THE HALL...I GOTTA GO.

[Bikerbozo]

Rosy, Dianne says you are right about everything. She wants to know who wrote these rules, since women overule these rules anyways. She said all that right after trying to hit me with her glucometer (right after reading those rules to her).

[slick rick]

.....is there a problem here......sounds pretty straight forward to me.....

I agree 100%... ... but don't tell the wife ,,,not that it would matter

[americanbadass]

....MAN UP DUDES.....it is time they understood our sensitivities.... I will be eating soup and bologna tonight because I forwarded this to the "warden"...as I respectfully call her...don't think she liked it or me for that matter

[msocko3]

Looks like some rules I could live by.

[donjack]

Rule #2, ALWAYS, have an " Escape Route ", in the event #1 rules don't work...

[pcombe]

Rule # 1: I KNOW what PMS means, Paul Must suffer!

[slick rick]

Rule # 3 ..MAN .. should always have the last word and we all know what that is ....

[Rosy]

You know it can be very difficult to be heard from the dog house and that's where most of us would be if we try to put in the "last" word!
Walk away and say nothing, but don't forget to duck, ask Bikerbozo, he knows the drill!
Try a make a few points, buy her a Mother's Day card and take her out to dinner, or if you are really in the dog house, buy her some flowers.
Good luck and let me know how you made out!

Regards,

Rosy
From NH