Kiss my Grits!

[Gone2Three]

What Is Grits?

Nobody knows... Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground-up bits of white corn. These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as a Grits can be made from corn. The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these keyingredients.

How Grits are Formed:

Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in South Carolina, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question). Yankees have attempted to create a synthetic Grits. They call them Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.

Historical Grits:

As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, the Grits was not heard from for another 1,000 years. Experts feel that the Grits was used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies and was kept from the public due to its rarity. The next mention of the Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)

The 10 Commandments of Grits:

I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits

II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife

III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy

IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits

V. Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and red eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits

VI. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits

VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits

VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.

IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch

X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.

How to Cook Grits for one serving:

Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter.

Add 5 TBL of Grits.

Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water.

When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done.

That's all there is to cooking grits.

How to make red eye gravy:

Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan.

Remove the ham when done, add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes.

Great on grits and biscuits.

How to Eat Grits:

Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits. If the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter.) In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they cause cancer, rotten teeth and impotence. Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ratio of Grit to Salt is 10:1. Therefore, for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)

Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork. The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk. Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it's Cream of Wheat.

Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:

(Leftover grits are extremely rare)

Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish,

Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.

The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass.

Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2" of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable.

BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS:

May the lord bless these grits. May no Yankee ever get the recipe. May I eat grits every day while living. And may I die while eating grits.

AMEN

Borrowed from another fourm, too good not to share here Enjoy!

[Sully]

I like my Grits made as Cheese Grits with Bacon Bits...........Down here we call Grits ( Georgia Ice Cream ).....

[clinverc]

I like my Grits made as Cheese Grits with Bacon Bits...........Down here we call Grits ( Georgia Ice Cream ).....

Anything with cheese and bacon is yummy.

[Jack Klarich]

I eat plain grits every morning, cook with water, when done stir in a bit of milk and eat them

[rhino 2]

Flo...[Polly Holliday] ....Made the Saying 'Kiss my Grits famous on the TV Show Alice..

[rhino 2]

I agree with much of what the OP said but I do diverge at certain points. Was raised from near birth being fed home cooked grits here in the South(west) Houston. At about 4 - 6 months mama started serving me grits instead of Gerber baby food. I want nothing on my grits except real butter and lightly salted to taste. I prefer to cook about 4 or so large yard eggs over easy and pile a cereal bowl full of piping hot grits on top of the eggs and add in some crinkled nearly burned dry bacon into the pile of grits and mix and stir the concoction and eat like there is no tomorrow. Umm, pinch me and I'll die happy.

As for as the gravy, make mine bacon gravy served with fresh hot buttermilk scratch biscuits served with copious amounts of ice cold 4% milk. There's nothing any better than a bowl of steaming hot bowl of southern prepared grits. Manna from heaven as the OP said.

Yard Eggs??........Wow out here Yard eggs are what the late night Dog walkers leave on my front lawn.........

[PosseRider]

Plenty of butter,salt & pepper for me. As Flo would say

[consitter]

Randall, you are truly full of grits.

[Gone2Three]

Randall, you are truly full of grits.

[Mykneesbehurtin]

I once had a waitress ask me how I liked my grits, without even looking up I said... Left in the kitchen.

[paws]

Randal... you need to get out more, son... ! I’m beginning to worry about you...

[consitter]

Randal... you need to get out more, son... ! I’m beginning to worry about you...

[Gone2Three]

Randal... you need to get out more, son... ! I’m beginning to worry about you...

I worry about me too Carla... it just don't do any good though

Just keep bouncing been work and home like a ping pong ball

Have I mentioned that I miss my trike

[Gone2Three]

[LadyonaMission]

I worry about me too Carla... it just don't do any good though

Just keep bouncing been work and home like a ping pong ball

Have I mentioned that I miss my trike

Randall, I miss your trike too. I was thinking about Fireball the other evening so I had a shot in your honor. With Kerrville coming up, you and Michele have been on my mind a lot.

[paws]

Randall, I miss your trike too. I was thinking about Fireball the other evening so I had a shot in your honor. With Kerrville coming up, you and Michele have been on my mind a lot.