For NE people only

[John Luciano]

> Forget Rednecks ......>
about New Englanders...
> >
> >If your local Dairy Queen is closed
> > from October through April, you live in New England .
> >
> > If someone in a Home Depot store
> > offers you assistance and they don't work there,
> you live in New England .
> >
> > If you've worn shorts and a
> > parka at the same time, you live in New England .
> >
> > If you've had a lengthy
> > telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong
> > number, you live in New England .
> >
> > If 'Vacation' means going
> > anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you
> live in New England .
> >
> > If you measure distance in hours,
> > you live in New England .
> >
> > If you know several people who have
> > hit a deer more than once, you live in New England .
> >
> > If you have switched from
> > 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and
> back again, you live in New England .
> >
> > If you can drive 65 mph through 2
> > feet of snow during a raging blizzard wit hout f
> linching, you live in New England .
> >
> > If you install security lights on
> > your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you
> live in New England .
> >
> > If you carry jumper cables in your
> > car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in
> New England .
> >
> > If you design your kid's
> > Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in
> New England .
> >
> > If the speed limit on the highway
> > is 55 mph -- you're going 70 and everybody is
> passing y ou, you live in New England .
> >
> > If driving is better in the winter
> > because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in
> New England .
> >
> > If you know all 4 seasons: almost
> > winter, winter, still winter and road construction,
> you live in New England .
> >
> > If you have more miles on your snow
> > blower than your car, you live in New England .
> >
> > If you find 20 degrees 'a
> > little chilly', you live in New England .
> >
> > If there's a Dunkin Donuts on
> > every corner, you live in New England .
> >
> > If you actually understand these
> > jokes, and forward them to all your New England
> friends & others, you live in New England .
> >

 

[tis]

I was just telling my Son on the phone that I hope I spend as much time on my Bike this year as I did on the Snowblower!!! You know there's going to be snow in the Mountains at Americade this June. You'll need chains to get up Whiteface Mntn.

 

[Shmick]

COLD IS A RELATIVE THING. . . . . . .

65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Wisconsin plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Wisconsin sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero
People in Miami all die.
Wisconsinites close the windows.

Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Wisconsin get out their winter coats.

10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Wisconsin are selling cookies door to door.

20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Wisconsinites get upset because they can't start the Snow-mobile.

40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Wisconsin start saying...'Cold enough fer ya?'

50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hours late