Just Pet Jokes

David357 · Feb 11, 2019

Please share your pet jokes with us.......

I don't know why most people think a dog's life is so easy.

Every time I come home from work, I ask my dog how his day went.

He always says, "Rough!"

:laugh:

David357 · Feb 11, 2019

A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash.

He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual??"

"Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual ... because he hated the book!"

:biggrin:

David357 · Feb 14, 2019

“I was told that I was allergic to cats, but I have two and I'm feline fine!”

:laugh:

rhino 2 · Feb 14, 2019

David357 said:
“I was told that I was allergic to cats, but I have two and I'm feline fine!”

:laugh:

You could of save that one for the ......Lexophile Thread...:laugh:....

rhino 2 · Feb 14, 2019

My Dog breeder crossed a Sheepdog with a Rose ....

..He Named it Collie-Flower...................:blush:

David357 · Feb 15, 2019

“Did you hear about the dog who ran two miles to bring back his master's stick? Personally, I think it's a bit far-fetched.”

rhino 2 · Feb 15, 2019

David357 said:
“Did you hear about the dog who ran two miles to bring back his master's stick? Personally, I think it's a bit far-fetched.”

................Another Lexophile.....:Shrug:....

rhino 2 · Feb 15, 2019

Cats have 9 lives..........And thats what makes them perfect for experimentation...:cxtv:...

Sidecarbill · Feb 15, 2019

rhino 2 said:
Cats have 9 lives..........And thats what makes them perfect for experimentation...:cxtv:...

Ya know sometimes I get the impression you don't like cats.:laugh: Anyway on a more serious note. I'm buying a house with a fireplace,and the chimney flue is quite large, is that a two cat job or a single cat job? Also should I have a fire going? I just was thinkin that it would encourage them to get the job done quicker. Your expertise in this matter would be appreciated. Burlap bags are gettin scarce.

David357 · Feb 15, 2019

Sidecarbill said:
Ya know sometimes I get the impression you don't like cats.:laugh: Anyway on a more serious note. I'm buying a house with a fireplace,and the chimney flue is quite large, is that a two cat job or a single cat job? Also should I have a fire going? I just was thinkin that it would encourage them to get the job done quicker. Your expertise in this matter would be appreciated. Burlap bags are gettin scarce.

So what kind of pet(s) do you have their Sidecarbill?

Sidecarbill · Feb 15, 2019

David357 said:
So what kind of pet(s) do you have their Sidecarbill?

My pets are cats of course you can't clean a chimney with a dog! :Shrug:

David357 · Feb 15, 2019

Sidecarbill said:
My pets are cats of course you can't clean a chimney with a dog! :Shrug:

I hope Mikey and Missy are unaware of your intentional use of both of them for cleaning purposes. As a cat owner, you know cats can read your thoughts and will get you while your sleeping...:laugh::Joker3::laugh::kitty:

rhino 2 · Feb 15, 2019

Sidecarbill said:
Ya know sometimes I get the impression you don't like cats.:laugh: Anyway on a more serious note. I'm buying a house with a fireplace,and the chimney flue is quite large, is that a two cat job or a single cat job? Also should I have a fire going? I just was thinkin that it would encourage them to get the job done quicker. Your expertise in this matter would be appreciated. Burlap bags are gettin scarce.

Burlap bags are necessary That’s the only way you can get the cat down the chimney just make sure the rope is long enough to get them back up, And don’t use a new rope or they will complain

Sidecarbill · Feb 15, 2019

David357 said:
I hope Mikey and Missy are unaware of your intentional use of both of them for cleaning purposes. As a cat owner, you know cats can read your thoughts and will get you while your sleeping...:laugh::Joker3::laugh::kitty:

People think cats are unaware of your intentions. Ok those are dog people. If you have a dog and get up to go somewhere, that dog will jump up and follow you. Cats might move their ears and listen for the food closet to open, if it doesn't then you're on your own. My cats are working cats. No free ride here.

David357 · Feb 17, 2019

Cat Jokes

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?

A: A stripey sweater!

Q: How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?

A: She's got that down in the mouth look!

Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a canary?

A: A peeping tom!

Q: Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas?

A: Because he has sandy claws!

Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?

A: Frostbite!

Q: What is a French cat's favorite pudding?

A: Chocolate mousse!

David357 · Apr 12, 2019

When a new cat arrives, the news spreads quickly via word of mouse.

:laugh:

rhino 2 · Apr 12, 2019

Everytime I get a new cat he has to learn the lay of my house by scratch

David357 · Apr 14, 2019

Where Do Dogs and Cats Come From?

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to 'Where do pets come from?'Adam said, 'Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you any more. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.

'And God said 'No problem. I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.

'And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and it wagged its tail.And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.' And God said, 'No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him Dog.

'And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.

'And the Lord said, 'No problem. I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration.

'And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the Supreme Being. And Adam learned humility.And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't care one way or the other.

:laugh:

David357 · Jun 6, 2019

Chess

Me: I taught my dog to play chess.

Friend: He must be very smart?

Me: Not really, I beat him two games out of three!

:laugh:

David357 · Sep 16, 2019

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you"

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?".

:laugh: