Is it because if they had more than one tooth it would be called a "teethbrush"?
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- Thread starter Papa Zook
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A guy walks into a bar in Georgia and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks at him.The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?”
The guy says, “I’m from Minnesota.”
The bartender asks, “What the heck you do in Minnesota?”
The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender asks, “A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?”
The guy says nervously, “I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, “It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!”
The guy says, “I’m from Minnesota.”
The bartender asks, “What the heck you do in Minnesota?”
The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender asks, “A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?”
The guy says nervously, “I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, “It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!”
Bikerbozo
Class Clown
The "Teeth"brush was then invented elsewhere...Bah, dah, bing!
A guy buys a talking parrot, only to discover that the bird has a mean disposition & a foul mouth. It spends the day screeching at & be-littleing it's new owner. The guy tries everyting possible to civilize the bird. He scolds it; he washes out its mouth...no luck. He roughs up the bird..the parrot just gets even madder!!
He's getting pretty peed-off with the bird now. So he tapes its beak shut for a while, but when he takes the tape off, the bird has a raving hissy fit & goes back to being nasty, berating him, cussing, squawking & being a real horses rear! Now the guy's done. He chases the parrot round the room, grabs it & hurls it into the freezer! The darn parrot keeps cussing & scolding him. But then, after a few minutes, suddenly there is silence......"Oh s!@#, now I've really done it. The parrots croaked". So he gingerly opens the freezer, to find a nearly frozen but very subdued parrot. The bird says," Sir, I must profusely appologize for my deplorable behavior. I shall absolutely never screech, cuss or offend you ever again". "Wow! That did it" thinks the man. The parrot goes on," But sir, would you be so kind as to tell me what the turkey in the freezer did?"
He's getting pretty peed-off with the bird now. So he tapes its beak shut for a while, but when he takes the tape off, the bird has a raving hissy fit & goes back to being nasty, berating him, cussing, squawking & being a real horses rear! Now the guy's done. He chases the parrot round the room, grabs it & hurls it into the freezer! The darn parrot keeps cussing & scolding him. But then, after a few minutes, suddenly there is silence......"Oh s!@#, now I've really done it. The parrots croaked". So he gingerly opens the freezer, to find a nearly frozen but very subdued parrot. The bird says," Sir, I must profusely appologize for my deplorable behavior. I shall absolutely never screech, cuss or offend you ever again". "Wow! That did it" thinks the man. The parrot goes on," But sir, would you be so kind as to tell me what the turkey in the freezer did?"Q: What did one bullet say to the other bullet?
A: When are we gonna have some b-b's.
or
Two peanuts walk out of a bar and one was a-salted.
A: When are we gonna have some b-b's.
or
Two peanuts walk out of a bar and one was a-salted.
Windblown
TOI - Georgia
Q: What's the most successful pickup line ever?
A: "Does this smell like chloroform?"
Hahahahaha! Told this one to my wife and without missing a beat, she turrned from the stove and said" The Cheverolet C-10 series! Of course!" Dadgum I have one fantastic woman!
A: "Does this smell like chloroform?"
Hahahahaha! Told this one to my wife and without missing a beat, she turrned from the stove and said" The Cheverolet C-10 series! Of course!" Dadgum I have one fantastic woman!
FOR A GOOD LAUGH... This is for the over 50 generation:
I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter.
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every
message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say,
"Re-calc-ul-ating". Y ou would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. Y ou would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden
"Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.
I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot."
I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter.
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every
message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say,
"Re-calc-ul-ating". Y ou would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. Y ou would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden
"Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.
I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot."
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband'.
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me'.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
He should have remembered that fairies are female . . .
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband'.
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me'.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
He should have remembered that fairies are female . . .
A man was cruising on his Harley up the California coast when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. Of course I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how a woman feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?" :wtg:
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. Of course I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how a woman feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?" :wtg:
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Type in any Christmas song and see what the little puppets do. Also, type
in any non-Christmas song (I typed in Happy Birthday) and you'll get a kick
out of the response. One of the funniest I typed in was Jingle Bell Rock...
they forget the words half way through. HOW DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS
STUFF?
http://www.sundog.net/carolofthechins/flash/card.swf
Type in any Christmas song and see what the little puppets do. Also, type
in any non-Christmas song (I typed in Happy Birthday) and you'll get a kick
out of the response. One of the funniest I typed in was Jingle Bell Rock...
they forget the words half way through. HOW DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS
STUFF?
http://www.sundog.net/carolofthechins/flash/card.swf
That's funny!
Doctor tells elderly gentleman he needs a urine specimen and a stool sample.
Being hard of hearing, the man turns to his wife and says, "what'd he says"?
Wife tells him in a very loud voice: "HE WANTS YOUR UNDERWEAR"!
Being hard of hearing, the man turns to his wife and says, "what'd he says"?
Wife tells him in a very loud voice: "HE WANTS YOUR UNDERWEAR"!
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